


Stupid Powers

by wicked17writer



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Iron Man - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alchemy, F/M, Female Friendship, Gen, Powers!Darcy, Superpowers, Tony Stark Has A Heart, botanokinesis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-12-13 17:51:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11765208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wicked17writer/pseuds/wicked17writer
Summary: Various members of the MCU get superpowers.A different power for each letter of the alphabet.All vignettes. Not connected to each other. May turn into more if one of them really inspires me.I will add more tags as I go along.





	1. Chapter 1: A is for Alchemy

**Author's Note:**

> A-Z is the goal. I hope to write 26 of these little things and if you could give me suggestions for people and powers in the comment section I would appreciate it.

Stupid Powers  
by wicked17writer

Chapter 1: A is for Alchemy

It was a curse. Not a blessing. Not a miracle. Not awesome. Not cool. Not any of the things she thought it was when it first became apparent that every time she touched something it turned to gold. It was horrible. She had to wear golden oven mitts just so she could eat anything. Not to mention wipe her ass.  
She tried gloves at first to give herself more movement. But they got stuck on her hands. And she couldn't move the fingers, because you know, it was solid gold. And she had to soak in hot water for a long time to just get them off. Thank god that she did or she would have given up right then and there.  
Jane was fascinated. She wanted to run all these tests. And Darcy was fine with that but seriously her scientific curiosity did not convey her concern. Darcy knew Jane was concerned. She just didn't show it the way most other people did. Darcy bristled expecting to be coddled or consoled, instead she was poked and prodded. She intellectually knew Jane cared for her, but when Jane approached her, trying to attack the issue scientifically and logically, as was her way, Darcy was just a little annoyed that her emotional response to the situation was so subdued. Especially because externally Darcy was a mess. At certain point she was had ugly cried for so long that she thought she would never stop, which was made even more terrible by her inability to use tissues. Thank god she didn't effect water when she touched it, or food once it was inside her mouth. Darcy hadn't been able to brush her hair, or teeth, though she did an okay job brushing with her finger and rinsing with Listerine, so she didn't smell as bad as she looked.  
Darcy truly looked a mess. She had been wearing the same clothes for three days. It seemed that when she got this power the only things unaffected by her power, were things she had been physically touching at the time. It happened in her sleep so her bed, bedding, her pajamas, her pillows, her sleep mask, and her phone were the only things Darcy could touch without turning them into gold. Thank god she had taken to sleeping with her phone in hand like a crazy person, because without her phone she would have gone mad by now. Her phone at least let her feel at least semi-normal and connected to a world she felt isolated and cut off from so abruptly. As a result, Darcy wanted to just hide in her bed...forever. Sounded like a reasonable plan to her.  
However her best friend, "the scientist" did not approve of her plan to hide in bed all day everyday for the rest of her life. Jane was determined to keep trying to figure out a solution to Darcy's predicament. And that determined scientific nature of Jane's was what lead to Darcy currently sitting in the basement in a wooden chair across from Jane and the washer/dryer.  
Jane had a theory that because Darcy was wearing her PJ's at the time even if she took them off and washed them, they would retain their immunity to her power. This was the theory that lead to Jane's hypothesis and the resulting experiment. Jane hypothesized that Darcy could wash her clothes and then put them back on without them turning into gold.  
"But, what if when I go to put them on they turn into gold and I'm left naked Jane. NAKED!" Darcy reiterated her fear shrilly for the 14th time as Jane stood in front of the washing machine with her clipboard, ready to document any and all scientific data that came from said experiment.  
"Darcy, for the last time, I don't think that will happ--"  
"But you don't know Jane. You don't know how this happened to me, how to reverse it, how I'm gonna live--"  
Jane walked forward and crouched down in front of the chair that Darcy was currently freaking out on. Careful to not touch the woman in any way. "Darcy. " Jane spoke in a low soft voice, "Darcy you smell so bad. You need to shower. Water is not affected by aberration. You could shower with your clothes on but you would still need to take them off to let them dry. And if the experiment fails we can fashion you a toga from your bed sheet, hell we should probably do that anyway just to give you another outfit option for the duration of your affliction."  
"Its not an affliction its a curse."  
Jane frowned slightly, "Magic does not exist, magic is just science we haven't figured out yet."  
Darcy stuck her tongue out at her friend. "You don't know that for certain."  
Jane just shook her head amused.  
Darcy sat quietly for a minute. Not saying anything just staring at her chipped nail polish. "I am scared Jane." Darcy frowned, fighting back tears, deeply wanting everything to go back to normal.  
"Don't be afraid Darcy," Jane said confidently as she stood up, "Just strip naked and trust the science."


	2. B is for Botanokinesis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony gets a power.

Chapter 2: B is for Botanokinesis

 

He was a science god. A genius billionaire philanthropist playboy. He was Iron Man. He was trapped on a farm for the second time, this time by social obligations rather than by the threat of Ultron, but he was trapped all the same.   
"Pepper, pep, its looking at me funny again." He was whining and encircling his girlfriends waist with his arms, pulling her closer to himself as she ignored him and continued to type on her phone.   
"It's doesn't have eyes Tony. It can't be looking at you." She whisper /yelled back at him. And yet to Tony's eyes the plant in question was looking at him.   
Tony stared at the little wilted pot of violets on the windowsill of the Barton's Farm's dining room. It was like whichever way he moved the shriveled bloom of the flowers followed him...Tony imagined they were blaming him for their wilted pitiful state. As Tony lightly moved his head from side to side, he could swear that the thing followed him, subtly searching out his face. Like he was the sun.   
Tony was not a fan of nature in general, he cared about its continued existence of course, but he didn't particularly enjoy being in nature. Never a fan of dirt or----"oof." Tony exclaimed, having received an elbow in the ribs from Pepper.  
Pepper turned in his arms, "The present Tony." Pepper reminded him. The present being the whole reason they were on the Barton Farm in the first place.  
"OH! Yes." Tony reached into his pockets, one hand in each, and pulled out two long jewelry boxed shaped gifts wrapped in regular office paper. Still hiding behind Pepper, Tony unceremoniously threw the boxes on the table in front of the happy couple. "Happy Anniversary Old McBarton. Mrs. McBarton." Tony went back to staring at the potted plant, purposefully ignoring the stare from his beloved girlfriend for his odd behavior.  
"Tony has been working on them for the past two days. I hope you like them." Pepper said directing a smile at the pair currently opening Tony's gift slowly as if they were afraid they would explode.   
Clint held up what was inside for all to see. Tony had made him..."You made me a friendship bracelet?" Clint looked over at Tony. Holding up the other four, "You made me five friendship bracelets?" Clint held up all five so everyone could see the sleek metallic bracelets.   
"Ten." Laura Barton held up an identical five bracelets in gold.   
"Ha ha ha ha. Of course not. Tony explain what they are." Pepper said in a false cheerful tone, directing her comment over her shoulder at the genius inventor in question. "TONY!"   
Tony jerked, snatching his hand back from where he had been stroking the soft petals of the tiny plant that to him didn't seem as ominous as it had just a few minutes ago. "What?"  
Pepper nodded her head towards the Barton's who were holding up their bracelets with amused but confused grins on their faces, eagerly awaiting explanation. "The bracelets." Pepper prompted.  
"Oh. Yeah. No big deal. I just made you some identity bracelets. They go with any outfit classic design of course. They adjust their size according to the wearer, as needed for you or your little baby agents, and I threw in a couple of extras in case you wanted to give one to the family dog, or cow, or really could be given to anything with a pulse and it it'll work."   
Barton put all but one of the bracelets down. Examining it closely running his thumbs over the seemingly sleek design, of which the archer could not see any catches that would hint at the tech hidden underneath the metal. "But what does it do? I don't see our names on here."  
Tony frowned, furrowing his brows. "Its a digital ID bracelet Barton, not literal."   
Tony walked over to Clint and took the bracelet out of his hands, taking Clint's thumb and placing it solidly on the metal allowing the sensors inside to read his thumbprint, waiting a few seconds for the thumb scan to complete, the bracelet unlocked it self allowing it to be put around the man's wrist, which Tony did as he explained, "It tells you where the wearer is, heart rate, caloric intake for the day, sugar intake, cholesterol and some other health statistics, such as for the ladies it can track menstrual cycles, ovulation, so on and so forth."   
Tony went to Laura and took her hand gently from where she was attempting to unlock her bracelet, adjusting her thumb placement, and unlocking it successfully as he continued to explain, "It works as a long and short range communicator, like Star Trek but alas it does not beam anyone up."  
The bracelet suddenly had symbols appear, the universal medial symbol, the unique avengers 'A', a house, a phone, the female arrow circle symbol, and a heart.   
"As you can see it has a medical emergency distress call, an emergency beacon, and like I said it tracks female specific health stats and the heart is for everyone's health data." Tony smiled sarcastically at everyone.   
"And its waterproof. It hooks up to a highly encrypted private digital network and the wrapping paper itself has further instructions you can look to as needed, you can log on to the network through your phone or a computer. Allowing you to easily locate lost children or cows and allowing said lost children to send out the call for rescue should the need ever arise. Allowing the avengers to swoop in and save the day and so on and so forth."   
Laura looked like she was going to cry and Clint looked like he was in shock. Tony walked closer to Pepper, hiding behind her again, "I could always take them back and get you a gift card to...is their a farm store? Costco? Is that a thing. Where exactly do people buy chickens?" He asked Pepper, really not knowing where one would go to purchase things like animal feed or other farm sundries .   
Laura abruptly got up from her seat, silent tears streaming down her rosy cheeks. She walked over to Tony and gave him one of the tightest hugs he'd ever received from a coworkers spouse. Tony looked trapped and panicked as Pepper looked on amused.   
"Thank you Tony! You have no idea---the gift of peace of mind." Laura said, her words muffled as she was talking directly into his shoulder. Tony grimaced when he heard Laura sniff deeply, hoping the woman wouldn't get snot on his Armani suit. "Ooof." Tony exclaimed as Clint joined in on the hug from the other side, creating a Barton sandwich with Tony filing.   
"Thanks man." Clint said simply, smiling from ear to ear.  
"PEPPER!" Tony exclaimed shrilly. Glad that his friends had liked his gift, but ready to be done with all the touching.  
Pepper laughed lightly at his discomfort. Lightly rubbing Laura's back and guiding the woman away from Tony's embrace, "Why don't we have some more of that delicious cake? Hmm? Mr. Barton maybe you would like to go and show your beautiful children their new high tech fashion accessories?"   
Clint slapped Tony on the back before going into the other room to round up his children. Laura and Pepper made their way to the counter in the kitchen where the refreshments were being stored and not that present opening time was over all the other guests filtered out of the room.   
Tony smiled lightly to himself. Glad that he once again used his magnificent genius for good. Proud that he made something that would help reassure a mother that her children and husband who did a dangerous job, was safe and sound....and proud that his obviously was the most useful and sentimental and therefore the best gift of the party.   
Tony turned to follow Clint, but glanced back at the flowers that had caught his attention earlier. Shocked by what he saw. The small potted flower that had been shriveled and droopy before, now looked vibrant and alive, and it had grown. The flower had some how expanded out of his pot and now their were full bloomed violets all along the window sill.   
"Well, that's something to look into later."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Botanokinesis = the power to Manipulate and generate plants.
> 
>  
> 
> Please COMMMENT   
> & add Kudos if you liked my story.  
> Thank You!

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave me a comment, good or bad or meh.  
> And if you want to suggest a character I should give a power to or what power I should write about I would love to hear from you!  
> Thank You for reading.


End file.
